This is the story of how love pushed me to grow up. Dating and love have always been fascinating concepts for me. Growing up, it has always been something that I look forward to in life because I grew up reading fairy tales and watching Disney Princesses. The '90s kid in me would always remember how Sleeping Beauty got kissed by a handsome prince and how Snow White was saved by a gorgeous, young man. I grew up believing that love would be so easy to find. Fast forward to ten years later, I still am as single as the day I was born. The only difference now was that my heart was made stronger and wiser because of ten years of experience in dating. It has, in some ways, removed the rose-colored glasses I had on about love as I was growing up. And I wanted to share five things I learned after ten years of dating: 1. Accept that modern dating is not for everyone. I am an introvert and I have a hard time dealing with new people. I am shy and I get awkward when asked questions. Putting me in a conversation with a stranger can be pretty tough because I usually tend to be warm only to people I fully now. And in the modern world, dating requires stepping out of your comfort zone. Dating requires you making the first move even as a woman. There are also a lot of tools now to help you meet people - online dating applications, websites and more that aims to help you find a match. But that said, I think this type of modern dating isn't for everyone. As an introvert, I realized that the ways of modern dating isn't for me. I'm not aggressive as a woman. I don't speak my mind enough. I can be shy. And I'm terribly awkward with meeting strangers. As such, it has been a tough battle to meet new people. I just wish courtship was still like that of the olden times. 2. Do not trust your feelings for they are fleeting. I thought love was about the butterflies in your stomach. I thought it was all about that giddy feeling you get when you see this special person. After all, fairy tales only show the beginning of beautiful relationships and never about how things turn out for them down the line. I just realized that as time goes by and once you get used to that special person, things change. The butterflies start to get less and less until one day, there's none anymore. And you feel like you are stuck with a person you don't seem to love in the first place. Gone was the little girl who believed love would be fun, free and easy. 3. Do not trust words for they are just that - words. I thought love was about declarations and beautiful whispers. I thought it was how you say you love someone and how you tell them that they are your world. I've experienced this young love without inhibitions. This is a kind of love that is fresh and new, that makes you think you can conquer anything in the world together. This is a love that starts strong and passionate with words and poems and songs, but usually ends in the opposite way - with no words for the other person anymore.
4. Do not trust actions, unless they declare their real intentions. I thought acts of service and showing of care are sure ways to find out if someone is in love with you. I thought holding hands, kissing and warm embraces are telling signs that someone cares and that someone is serious about their intentions with you. But modern dating has trivialized these actions. Kissing can mean being just "friends with benefits" and holding hands can just mean "friendship". Gone were the days when these acts were considered sacred and only for the person you love. 5. Love isn't enough. I thought that finally, when you find the right person for you, the one you feel an intense connection with, it would be enough. I thought that he was all that I would need to conquer the world. But the world really doesn't care whether you are in love. The world will continue throwing you life challenges, giving you a ride in life and making you experience more and more. And as life goes by everyday, the only people who will stay are not the ones you feel strongly connected to. The people who will stay are those who are compatible with you, with your lifestyle, with your personality, with how you view life in general. The people who are compatible with you are those that understand your decisions and your reactions to certain situations. They may not necessarily be the people you feel an intense and passionate connection with, but they are surely the people who understand. Therefore, love and passion aren't enough to go on in life with a person; compatibility is also a great key. These love lessons have enlightened my vision and have removed my rose-colored glasses for some time now. They have made me more realistic in terms of finding love and the right partner to face everyday with. Modern dating may not be for me but I have to be brave enough to at least try. Feelings may not be good indications of a lasting love but commitment and trust are. And trust is usually born when words and actions are aligned and when there are no mixed signals. Gone was the little girl who believed love would be fun, free and easy. Because the truth is ten years of dating have brought me pain I never thought was possible. It has closed my heart for some time and made it harder to trust. But as I face another year in this lifetime, I find that losing that little girl inside me wasn't something to be sad about. I didn't really totally lost her. She just decided to grow up. And growing up means being mature enough to accept when people leave and being strong enough to open up again to new ones.
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CategoriesPurple Musingsis a site about love, life, travel and fashion. It aims to engrave in words all the beautiful things in life, capture the mesmerizing wonders of the world, and paint the soul using the harmony of words. Archives
March 2021
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